Riding the Rollercoaster

Hmmm, despite my happy ‘I love rejections’ post, the crows of doubt have come to roost again. Par for the course. No surprises there. To be honest, the constant ups and downs are very tiring. It does tend to be my personality (hello! Gemini!) but I have been kind of thinking, ‘do I need stress like this in my life?’. At the very beginning of the year I did tell my husband that I wished I’d never started submitting. That the whole rollercoaster ride was getting a bit much for me.

Then again, I guess that’s the hazard when you go after your dreams. It’s going to be tough and disappointing, and you will wonder why on earth you thought it was a good idea. Especially when your goal is just as far off as it ever was.

Anyway, this is not a play for sympathy or anything, just a little vent. Sunday morning musings. I am trying to resist the urge to reread my partial, just to make sure I’m as happy with it now as I was when I sent it off but that way lies madness. I have finished the full and the basic conflict seemed to hang together okay which is a good sign but you just never know.

Oh well, will stop moaning. How’s everyone else doing? What do you do when the rollercoaster gets too much for you?

24 thoughts on “Riding the Rollercoaster”

  1. Oh I soooooooooooo hear ya on the crows of doubt. Since getting my Super R this week, I’ve been feeling very tender… I should be looking on the positive side (my full request from MH) but it’s hard not to compare with others and be a puddle of woe sometimes.

    I find chocolate and diet coke helps 🙂

  2. I Jackie.
    It basically means you are human. Doubting yourself lets you know that you are alive and that you are able to think the push your boundaries.
    Just believe in yourself and you will be fine!
    I agree with Rachael, Chocolate is good! Oh and a great book 😉

  3. Jackie,

    Yeah. It’s a roller coaster. But I imagine riding the roller coaster and experiencing the highs and lows is better than looking back and wondering what if…? If it didn’t mean so much, it would get us emotionally quite the way it does. Kind of like being a mom. 🙂 Everything that’s worth it is going to cost a little something.(sanity in this case…)

  4. Very hard, Rach. Trying to drag myself out of the puddle.

    Kerrin – Thanks! Yeah, a book is a great distraction all right!

    Maisey – True enough. I should be glad I even got up the gumption to send that first puppy off. At least I had a go eh?

  5. LOL – gotta love being a gemini. You know were meant to me creative and make great writers?

    Those ole crows of doubt haunts us all – I just spent half and hour staring at the screen not knowing what to write. Then I thought – what on earth will I do if this revised full gets R’d?

    As Kerrin said – you are human, we all are, doubt is all part an parcel. But you CAN do it!

    I say, go the chocies, add some caffine in the mix. You’ll get there chickie – we all will.

  6. More than a go! I have a very good feeling about the MS. You really have ‘it’. You know the crows and I have been fighting each other this past week, so I know it’s sucky. But hand in there!

  7. There’s nearly always a pit you dip into from time to time when waiting, especially if you feel really positive about your submission and start thinking ‘What if they hate it? How can I improve on that?’ It doesn’t mean anything at all, it’s just another blip to get past.

    I had 5 rejected full mss in my twenties, and stopped submitting, despairing of ever getting past the doorkeepsr at M&B. I often wonder how many I could have pubbed by now if I’d kept on regardless and maybe been accepted another few mss down the line!

    I did eventually get published, of course, but not in that genre. But I still think I’m perfectly cut out for category romance and should have stuck it out. So my advice would be, don’t give up on this if it’s your dream! You’ll only spend years wondering ‘What if … ?’

  8. I think doubt, like rejections, are part and parcel of being a writer. We might know this, but when the emotions come crashing down on us – dealing with that is just another thing entirely.

    Jackie, I’ve watched your journey from when you came runner up in the ihearts comp (no, I’m not a stalker – I swear!). And it would be such a shame for you to give up now when you’ve come so far. If the editors hadn’t seen your potential, they wouldn’t have spent the time working with you to get you to publishable standard.

    And like Jane and Maisey said, at least you’re working full charge towards achieving your dreams. A lot of other people don’t. You’ve got a lot to be proud of.

  9. DON’T DO IT!! Don’t go back and read what you submitted. Trust me. Not a good thing to do. You don’t need the aggravation. Yes, rollercoaster is a good way to think of it. The frustrating this is, your story may have hit the mark, all the elements there, but there’s still a reason it doesn’t get accepted (plot already done recently, just bought another story that was similar) and it’s out of your control. Plus, it’s not like it takes just a few hours to write these suckers. We put our hearts and souls and blood and tears into these things, sometimes over the many months. Yeah, aggravating as well as draining.

  10. I really can’t match all the other fabulous comments posted above Jackie. So all I’ll say is stick at it. Just finishing a whole book is an achievement in itself IMHO. Not may people actually do it. And I truly believe your time will come! Take care. Caroline

  11. doubt is definitely part of the deal. my doubts are bigger now than they were before i got published – but that could just be me. Anyway, doubts are good – they force us to fight or die.
    You’re a fighter
    🙂

  12. HELP!
    I know exactly how you feel, almost finished my current WIP and someone has commented I’ve got lots of internal conflict and not enough external conflict. No! I’ve always done it the other way and lacked enough internal conflict. I thought I had nailed this one. My head is spinning and I am finding myself googling internal and external conflict in hope of finding some revelation that will clear my head.
    Sitting right next to you on the Rollercoaster Jax!

  13. Janette – well, I had my revised full R’d. It wasn’t pretty but I got through it. I don’t think that’ll happen to you though! We Can do it eh? Apparently Geminis are good at this. 🙂

    Maisey – I like your good feeling. I have it too though I’d scared to admit it with this ms in case I’m wrong. Don’t want jinx it! Yes, I think magically like that. 🙂 You’ll get past your crows, my dear. You can do it too!

    Jane – Yeah, I do have these kind of blips a lot. Comes with being such an up and down kind of personality. So, yep, gotta keep going. As you say, you don’t want to give up right now because what if the next one is The One?? I just have to remember that one!

    Angie – thanks heaps! It’s kind of nice to hear someone’s been watching how I’m getting on. I need a kick up the rear when I’m getting too whiny! 🙂 Yes, it’s true, I’m at least taking charge and doing what I’ve wanted to do since forever. These things are never easy.

    Kaily – don’t worry, I didn’t read it! Yep, it’s the lack of control I don’t like. I can be a control freak so it’s hard. Like Michelle Styles says, all you can control is the writing – which is something! 🙂

    Caroline – that’s true! Lots of people say they’re going to write a book but not many people actually do it. We can be glad we’ve at least done that much eh?

    Natalie – I was afraid you were going to say something like that! You mean it isn’t a primose path to best seller-ville then? Kidding. Actually that’s bl**dy true re fighting or die. I have to remember that. Keep up the good fight! Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

  14. Hey Susan! Not enough external conflict? Well, I guess it depends on what kind of romance you’re writing. That would be AOK for Modern Heat or Modern. What are you writing?

  15. Hi Jackie. I know how you feel. Its difficult to keep going sometimes without positive feedback, and by positive feedback I mean an acceptance. I often think about packing it in – writing wise, but it isn’t really an option for me, I love writing too much! I just wish that the ‘getting published’ urge wasn’t so strong, I love writing, but hate all the angst of waiting to see if a publisher or agent loves it too!
    Chin up. You’re a good writer.

  16. Hugs Jackie. I was going to say a lot of what’s already been said. But, I suppose, I identify most with Jane’s comment – I’ve collected so many rejections and given up so many times that I’m left wondering what if I’d subbed just one more story..?

    And, M&B has always been the dream, it doesn’t matter how many other bits and bobs I get published (not that I’ve sold that many other things) it’s still what I want most. But, I’ve now reached the stage where I’m too scared to sub anything, because I know it will come hurtling back (so it’s a self fullfilling prophecy).

    I’ll second Rachael’s advice – go and get some chocolate, everything seems better once you’ve eaten chocolate.

    XX

    XX

  17. What you need is a loud foghorn aimed at those crows. That should scare them right off! Seriously, I know how you feel. But I have to say this – if you’re yearning to reread your chapter, I say go ahead. Honestly!
    I read my IS 2008 contest entry a couple of days ago when the crows were circling, and you know what? I came away feeling so much happier about it.
    I also dug up the editor’s letter that requested the full. Reading the words “your writing shows promise” gave me a great boost. And let’s face it, sometimes you just need that boost!

  18. Vent away, Jackie!! I’m a Pisces so I’m constantly swimming in opposite directions. I love writing then I don’t. I want to sub then I don’t. I want to write short stories then it’s articles, then it’s novels, then it’s poems.I tie myself up in knots sometimes – caught in my own net of indecision and procrastination!

    But still we carry on writing – moan a bit – sub – carry on writing – moan at bit more – carry on writing and get an acceptance – Hurrah! Then we get several rejections on the same day! Hey Ho!

    Julie xx

  19. Yep, crows of doubt = nasty little blighters.

    I have no pearls of wisdom, I’m afraid, but what I would say is every low we have prepares us for the highs. If we didn’t experience the lows, would we ever truly appreciate the highs?

    I have everything crossed for you, I’m hoping that helps 🙂

  20. Sally – yeah, I wish the getting published urge wasn’t so strong either! But I DO love the writing. That part at least hasn’t changed.

    Suzanne – yes, you do get the point where you just don’t want send anything away because is it worth the pain when it’s rejected. However, to balance that out, there is the chance that it won’t be rejected… I guess I keep going for that chance.

    Susan – ah Medical. External conflict would be conflict that arises from outside the characters rather than from their own issues. Not sure how much you need for Medical.

    Maya – Finding my foghorn. 🙂 Actually, I did read the first couple of pages of it and I still felt happy with it. And I should dredge up the good emails I’ve had from the editor, the ones where I have promise and they love my voice. It’s good to have the reminders eh? Thanks for that!

    Julie – yep, that’s me!! Sub. Vent. Moan. Sub. Vent. Moan! Still waiting on the acceptance part of that but it’ll come at some stage right? 🙂

    Joanne – true enough re the lows. I just wish they wouldn’t come round so often! 🙂 And the crossing fingers does help.

    Judy – right back at you. Let’s hope the bungee goes way, way up!

  21. “To be honest, the constant ups and downs are very tiring. It does tend to be my personality (hello! Gemini!) but I have been kind of thinking, ‘do I need stress like this in my life?’.”

    Oh honey, welcome to my world. I have those days too. Yes, there are times that even *I* wonder if it’s worth it.

    But ultimately it is. It’s okay to have the ups and downs and take a day or two to focus on something else and look after YOU.

    And may I just offer this: I had one of those days, and ended up wailing on dh’s shirt about it. The next morning there was an offer in my inbox. You just never know how close you are, so recharge yourself and pick yourself up for another round. 🙂

  22. Donna – thanks so much for this! Yes, I think I probably need to focus on something else on those days. Not think of writing for a change.
    Have recharged at any rate. At least that’ll keep me going for another few weeks hopefully! 🙂 Sadly I won’t be getting an offer anytime soon but a full request might be nice. Here’s hoping!

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