Twelve Days And Counting… Random Release Day Angst

Twelve days until my release date.  And I won’t bore you with the details of my angst other than to say I’m sh*t scared.

This book wasn’t meant to be published. I mean, I didn’t write it with the intention of publication. I wrote it because I wanted to write it. It was everything I’d been holding myself back from writing. You’ve heard me go on about it ad nauseum, you guys who’ve read this blog know about why I wrote it. For the lurkers or any random passers-by, I’ll just say I wrote it for me. I didn’t intend for it to go anywhere, I just thought I’d write it and it would stay on my hard drive, unread, forever.

My characters are difficult buggers and the relationship they have with each other is difficult. They make difficult choices. They are what they are. And I never expected a publisher to want to buy it.

But a certain person told me to send out the book anyway and though I whined and complained and told them it wasn’t meant for publication, I did send it out. Because I think I’m secretly rather proud of it. Like I said, my characters are difficult and so is the story. It won’t be for everyone. But I didn’t write it for everyone, I wrote it for me. And that’s why I’m kind of scared. When you write it for yourself, it’s hard to accept that not everyone in the entire universe will like it.

Which I guess brings me to the next hurdle in the journey of publication. I’ve spent five years fighting for the opportunity to get my work published and while you’re in pre-publication hell, all your energy is directed on your next revision letter or your next rejection, or sending the next story out there. The thought that when you eventually get accepted EVERYONE will have a chance to read your book is only a passing one. Then you finally DO get accepted and then there’s that lovely time when your book isn’t out yet and you can pretend you’re the greatest writer in the world, basking in the love of your editor, not a care in the world. Until release day comes and you realise people will soon be able to see behind the mask. Will they see the wizard or just a little old man?

Kind of sobering to know all the blood, sweat and tears you put into getting published is just for the privilege of having some complete stranger say, “Nah, that book was bollocks’. 🙂

On the up side, I now have an awesome picture that I will make into a mug! A whole series of mugs! That I could give away!  You have been warned…


10 thoughts on “Twelve Days And Counting… Random Release Day Angst”

    1. This is true, m’dear. A great comment. And Jilted was such a great book – hope I have the same luck with mine!

  1. I think we all spend too long trying to fit our writing into a box that someone else has designed. Inevitably those stories that we write for ourselves and those characters who speak to us in their darkest moments are the books that truly reveal who we are as writers.
    You should be very proud Jackie, it’s been a long and difficult journey and your dreams are about to come true – enjoy.

    1. That’s such a lovely thing to say, Karen. Thanks! Yep, I think I’ll try and forget the angst and try and bask in the moment. 🙂

  2. Awww you’re so cute when you’re angsty.

    Seriously, sweety everything is going to be fine. It’s a normal reaction but you’re so talented that I’m positive no one in their right mind could read your book and not fall in love with it. Ergo, anyone who doesn’t like it is a certifiably, undeniably cuckoo, loopy, whackjob!

    1. I am SO angsty! But LoL, thanks Elissa! Oh, there’ll be heaps of people who won’t like it. But that’s okay. As long as there’s a few who do, I’m sure I can handle it. #famouslastwords 🙂

  3. Jackie
    Maybe there will be a few certifiable loons (to paraphrase Elissa) out there who won’t like it BUT I know there will be heap and heaps and heaps of people who will. Because really how can they not? #truerwordswereneverspoken
    Nina xx
    PS And on top of being supremely sucessful authors you and Maisy will be minting it with those mugs! #merchandisemillionaires

    1. Awww, you’re the best, Nina. Thanks so much!! It’s always the bad comments we take to heart though, right? I’ll have to try and practise letting those go… Try being the operative word. 🙂

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