I suppose I should be writing more of the ms that has the first chapter with the ed, but the truth to tell is that I can’t face it. After having the last one rejected at partial stage after I’d rewritten the full twice, I’m not sure I want to put in the work of writing the whole thing only to not even be asked for chapters 2 and 3. Now, this actually flies in the face of accepted advice. You should finish the ms before you sub right? This is true. However, in my defence, I will say that the ed specifically asked me for something I’d only just started. And now, having got her synopsis for something that isn’t written yet, I am a little afraid of writing the rest of it because – of course – once you start writing the story, the synopsis might change! And so might the conflicts! So I don’t want to have written chapters 2 and 3 and suddenly find out that the synopsis I wrote two weeks ago is suddenly not right. Sigh. Hence me leaving this story until I hear back from the ed.

In the meantime I am working on another MH idea (three actually) and – big announcement! – SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Yes folks, after two years of concentrating on MH, I am trying my hand at something else. Bout time huh? It’s an idea I’ve had floating around in my brain for years. What is it? Steampunk romance with magic! Yep, that’s pretty much as removed from MH as you can get eh? I’ve actually started it but it’s hard. In fact, it’s really hard. I have to get back into external conflict, figure out world-building, put a historical spin on it… Not sure it’ll be successful at all to be honest. But hey, it’s a challenge and that’s always a good thing, right?

Still doesn’t help with me with my dose of the ‘whatevers’ though. Just another thing I’m ‘meh’ about. What about everyone else? What do you do when you just can’t be bothered?

But now I’m feeling blah. Post birthday blues maybe. Now the fun of the birthday is over, I have more angst and waiting to look forward to. Do we ever get over our need for reassurance do you think? In a normal job we’d have performance appraisals, we’d have a boss to ask about whether we’re performing our jobs adquately, we’d have promotions, we’d have a wage! But with writing for publication we don’t get any of that. We get silence. Sometimes we’ll get encouragement in the form of a letter asking for more work but more often than not we get a rejection. It’s a little bit soul destroying after a while.

I guess this qualifies as my vent of the month. I was hoping to save it until further on but what the hey! Anyway, am doubting my submission, doubting the rest of the manuscript – which is complete pants let me tell you, doubting pretty much everything. Don’t have any emotional reserves left to deal with the long wait. My mojo has packed her bags and gone on a long holiday into the bargain. Boring huh? Perhaps I need some more NTAI shoes…

On the up side, I have lovely CPs who deal patiently with my constant need for reassurance, though sometimes I feel like a baby bird in a nest with its mouth constantly open… How do the rest of you deal with it? Do you whine like me? Go shopping? Or is it stiff upper lip all the way?