Post Birthday Blues

Took a short blog hiatus over the weekend. Had a fantastic birthday where Dr Jax whisked me away to our wonderful capital city – Wellington – for a weekend of a swish hotel, fine champagne, nice food and, best of all, no kids! My birthday present was a lovely bit of bling, something that surprised me because I’m not a blingy type of girl and yet I found myself choosing a rather gorgeous bit of sparkle. Poor Dr Jax hasn’t quite recovered from the cost I fear. πŸ˜‰ Also took lots of scene-setting pics since – happily – Wellington is also the setting for a new WIP. Even found my hero’s apartment overlooking the waterfront! All good.

But now I’m feeling blah. Post birthday blues maybe. Now the fun of the birthday is over, I have more angst and waiting to look forward to. Do we ever get over our need for reassurance do you think? In a normal job we’d have performance appraisals, we’d have a boss to ask about whether we’re performing our jobs adquately, we’d have promotions, we’d have a wage! But with writing for publication we don’t get any of that. We get silence. Sometimes we’ll get encouragement in the form of a letter asking for more work but more often than not we get a rejection. It’s a little bit soul destroying after a while.

I guess this qualifies as my vent of the month. I was hoping to save it until further on but what the hey! Anyway, am doubting my submission, doubting the rest of the manuscript – which is complete pants let me tell you, doubting pretty much everything. Don’t have any emotional reserves left to deal with the long wait. My mojo has packed her bags and gone on a long holiday into the bargain. Boring huh? Perhaps I need some more NTAI shoes…

On the up side, I have lovely CPs who deal patiently with my constant need for reassurance, though sometimes I feel like a baby bird in a nest with its mouth constantly open… πŸ˜‰ How do the rest of you deal with it? Do you whine like me? Go shopping? Or is it stiff upper lip all the way?

16 thoughts on “Post Birthday Blues”

  1. I just keep plodding on, Jackie – in the face of overwhelming suggestions to the contrary, I still cling to the hope that I may yet get that multi million pound book deal.

    And, in the meantime, I’ve been subbing to other markets – magazine letters, fillers and womag stories. I reckon if an editor is willing to pay for my words, they can’t be that bad, whatever anyone says.

    Have faith, it will happen for you. You’re working with an editor who keeps asking for more – that’s terrfic validation of your talent.


  2. You described exactly how I often feel. Sometimes I grasp at little bits of reassurance…positive feedback on a blog entry, a chuckle from a forum friend. All in all, I think it helps to know that there are other writers who go through the same emotions. You just had a wonderful birthday high, and what goes up must come down, right? It’s normal, and trust me, you’re not alone in needing reassurance :). I’m sure good things will come your way soon. I’m not a big shopper myself, but maybe that bling needs an accessory friend?

  3. It’s never too late to become a Bling person!

    My in-box failed to produce the much-coveted e-mail this morning, not surprisingly this set me off on a swift slide towards despondency. To make matters worse, a sore throat woke me up earlier than usual (I strongly suspect this is the result of a restrained primal scream of frustration itching to erupt). Anyhow, while swallowing razor blades, the rest of my current ms began to unfold in technicolour detail — a nice carrot to dangle in front of someone in dire need of optimism.

    There’s always a reason to keep your chin up.

    Years ago I learned to ride a motorcycle and the first lesson instilled in me was that if I kept looking down at the ground, that’s where I’d inevitably end up. The trick to staying on the bike is to keep your eyes steadily fixed on your destination, or rather, a point just ahead. While a part of me wants to look down/jump on that slide and wallow in despondency/or even find a quiet corner and release that primal scream of frustration, I’m going with the carrot dangling in front of me and spending the rest of the day getting on with it and working on the story that unfolded with such swift clarity.

    That’s not to say I won’t kick something.

  4. Suzanne – yep, have to keep that in mind eh? You’re doing fabulously with your letters and subs. Won’t be long before you get that multi-million quid deal! If you do, spare some change? πŸ˜‰

    Rula – that’s the stuff that keeps me going. The great blog comments, the CPs, family. The great birthday crash to reality doesn’t help either. But the bling actually does have an accessory friend. A rather nice bag… πŸ˜‰

    Veronica – let’s be despondent together eh? Sympathies on the sore throat. That definitely doesn’t help. Like the motor bike riding analogy. Though today I’ve got off the bike altogether. Had too many falls for one day. πŸ™‚

  5. Oh Jackie – I’d LOVE to be a bling person but I have this thing about buying my own and hubby is hopeless at jewellery!

    As for the woe – I feel your pain, you know I do. I’m feeling pretty much the same at the moment, wondering why we bother. I feel like such a failure and wish I’d never come out of the closet about my writing to my non-writing friends.

    Hang in then. Happy to have cyber drinkies with you to moan together!

  6. Jackie, how about that chocolate martini to give us some boost and pull us out of the dumps!

    Wow on the B’day celebration πŸ˜‰ A beautiful one at that !

    I seem to have lost my mojo as well, especially when am staring at the revision letter, still unable to proceed to chip / sculpt the story accordingly.. The ed must think am a lost cause..may be I am πŸ™

    Can you see am blue too?

  7. Rach – we could do with cyber drinkies a lot eh? I know what you mean re coming out of the closet. Feels like everyone keeps asking me how the writing’s going and the answer’s always the same! Groan. You’re not a failure hon. Okay? You’re a fab writer and we’re just having a down patch.

    Lacey – love the denial. If only the denial came completely with contract and royalty cheque. πŸ˜‰

    Ju – chocolate martinis all round! Sounds like we could all do with one. That’s hard re your revisions – what exactly do they want you to do? You can do it though, okay?

    Nicole – yep, I think we left Welly right on time. πŸ˜‰ pretty cold up here in Auckland so I hate to think of the temp down there!

  8. Jackie my motto is “When in doubt, buy a Radley”. Gorgeous leather bags in a rainbow of colour with a little dog on the tag. Cost a fortune, then I have to hide them from the other half. But hey, I can do that!

  9. Susan – like the sound of a bag! Did get myself a bag with some birthday money as it happens. Haven’t got it yet though, am being sent it. Man do I hate waiting. That’s clear huh? πŸ˜‰

  10. Hey Jackie,

    I seem to have totally flipped out and instead of wallowing (like I usually do) while I have a sub out… I’ve written something else for another line and subbed that too! And then I thought there was no need to stop there and wrote a 10K novella too. I’m going to sub that today πŸ™‚

    I usually write slowly and oh-so- carefully, but not at the moment. My hyper-critical inner editor’s giving everything a big tick and I’m just going with it. I guess this means I don’t get a chocolate martini or to go shopping, but it actually seems quite constructive.

    I think it comes down to doing whatever you can – whatever you need to – to get through each day until it’s time for a phone call from the UK (or to check that email box once again)


  11. Robyn, I think you’re doing fantastically. I wish I had the same drive to do all that different stuff. And to sub! I’m kind of stuck though. Maybe that’s the problem. I try and think of new things to write but they all end up being Modern Heat. Sigh. But you’re right, doing whatever I can and that means playing copious amounts of computer games!
    BTW, you deserve a chocolate martini anyway cos you rock. πŸ™‚

  12. Hi Jackie

    Sad to hear you’re feeling down in the dumps after your fabulous b’day celebration. Personally I find that I always feel low whenever the writing’s not going well, and that’s true whether you’re published or unpublished.

    My advice: keep writing even if you think it’s crap (everything can be fixed later) and take it in small steps. Sometimes it’s better not to think about the big picture.. Or about that sodding call, that probably right about now feels like it’ll never come. Once the writing starts flowing again you’ll feel more positive about it all, I guarantee it, because you’ll be enjoying it again…

    Good luck.

    Heidi x

  13. Heidi – got it in one. Yep, writing not going well hence slide into depression. And it’s so true, I am getting bogged down in over-analysis and craft. Getting no joy out of it at all which just adds to everything. I need to stop thinking about things so much. Guess that means I’d better get stuck into it and put my internal editor into cryogenic storage for…well, perhaps for ever!

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