So what’s it like having your book read by complete strangers? Actually it’s weird. And unbelievably cool. And scary. I didn’t write this book intending to get it published. As readers of this blog know and as I have wittered on about at length, this book was a total indulgence for me. An attempt to try and break out of the category romance hole I’d got myself stuck in.

I’d originally intended it to be a 15k novella that would end after their first love scene. But as it turned out, both of them had more issues than 15k could cope with. So I kept going with it to see where it would lead and bugger the word count. As it turned out, it lead to another 20k of them working their crap out before they finally let go their fears! Thanks for turning my meticulously planned15k novella into a 45k category length book, guys. Really appreciate  it. Not.

Anyway, I fully didn’t intend to send out this oddity of a book until the CP started getting on my back about it so I sent it off just to keep her quiet. And now, nearly a year after I sent it out, it’s being read by people and it feels weird! And I’m scared about a whole lot of things like, have I dealt with Anna’s sexual assault issues sensitively enough? Is Finn too pushy? Will people who live in parts foreign like the Auckland setting? Will people mind that there are few secondary characters? Will they like the drama and the angst that I ladled on with a spoon because I love writing that kind stuff??

You kind of want to explain yourself to people. Explain your thought processes about the book, why and how you wrote it (as you can see by this long and probably tedious blog post). But the thing is, the book isn’t mine anymore. Yeah, I wrote it, but once it’s out there it becomes a reader’s book. It becomes part of a reader’s personal experience, coloured by their own thoughts and opinions, irrespective of what I meant when I wrote it. And that’s the way it should be. And why it’s so scary for a control freak like me. Like sending your kid off into the world and watching them become a person in their own right – you don’t have a say anymore.

And I think I’ll stop there because really, what I should be doing is not angsting about this book but getting into the next one. That’s always been my angst solution – keep writing.

Thanks for letting me witter. Am hoping for Chessman cover art soon so I’ll post that as soon as I’m allowed.

I leave you with a pic of my release day Whoopie pies. The white one is called a ‘romantic’. Naturally I had to buy it. And yes, it was delicious….

The moment when all the rejections are worth it.

The day your book is finally released into the wild.

Yep, Falling for Finn is released today and I just don’t know what to say other than this is what I’ve been working toward ever since I was twelve years old. I wanted to be an author but I didn’t think I’d ever get there. Getting published was, like, impossible. You had to write literary fiction didn’t you? And besides, it wasn’t a valid career choice…

Well, thirty years later, no you don’t have to write literary fiction and yes, it is a valid career choice. You just have to work hard. Damn hard. And be prepared to fight for it, to have lows like you wouldn’t believe yet still hang on like you’re hanging on the edge of a cliff by your fingernails and to let go would mean certain death.

Okay, so that was dramatic. But then that’s what I am. Dramatic.

And so is my book. It’s full of angst and drama and sexytimes. So if you like that sort of thing, buy it. Because it’s now live!

Go Finn! Be free (but not too free because some authors have to make a living)!

I’m composing this blog post on the 19th here but of course, it’s not the 19th in other places. So Wed (NZ time, Tues everywhere else), I shall be doing some Twitter giveaways and stuff, so if you want a free copy, follow me on Twitter and wait for the announcement.

Also, am very proud to be on the USA Today Happy Ever After blog – on the front!!

To celebrate I leave you with an awesome haiku that the lovely Fiona Marsden composed for me about Finn:

She has no dark memory

Need to fill gap made by fear

He always had her heart

This book wasn’t meant to be published. I mean, I didn’t write it with the intention of publication. I wrote it because I wanted to write it. It was everything I’d been holding myself back from writing. You’ve heard me go on about it ad nauseum, you guys who’ve read this blog know about why I wrote it. For the lurkers or any random passers-by, I’ll just say I wrote it for me. I didn’t intend for it to go anywhere, I just thought I’d write it and it would stay on my hard drive, unread, forever.

My characters are difficult buggers and the relationship they have with each other is difficult. They make difficult choices. They are what they are. And I never expected a publisher to want to buy it.

But a certain person told me to send out the book anyway and though I whined and complained and told them it wasn’t meant for publication, I did send it out. Because I think I’m secretly rather proud of it. Like I said, my characters are difficult and so is the story. It won’t be for everyone. But I didn’t write it for everyone, I wrote it for me. And that’s why I’m kind of scared. When you write it for yourself, it’s hard to accept that not everyone in the entire universe will like it.

Which I guess brings me to the next hurdle in the journey of publication. I’ve spent five years fighting for the opportunity to get my work published and while you’re in pre-publication hell, all your energy is directed on your next revision letter or your next rejection, or sending the next story out there. The thought that when you eventually get accepted EVERYONE will have a chance to read your book is only a passing one. Then you finally DO get accepted and then there’s that lovely time when your book isn’t out yet and you can pretend you’re the greatest writer in the world, basking in the love of your editor, not a care in the world. Until release day comes and you realise people will soon be able to see behind the mask. Will they see the wizard or just a little old man?

Kind of sobering to know all the blood, sweat and tears you put into getting published is just for the privilege of having some complete stranger say, “Nah, that book was bollocks’.

On the up side, I now have an awesome picture that I will make into a mug! A whole series of mugs! That I could give away!  You have been warned…