Twelve days until my release date. And I won’t bore you with the details of my angst other than to say I’m sh*t scared.
This book wasn’t meant to be published. I mean, I didn’t write it with the intention of publication. I wrote it because I wanted to write it. It was everything I’d been holding myself back from writing. You’ve heard me go on about it ad nauseum, you guys who’ve read this blog know about why I wrote it. For the lurkers or any random passers-by, I’ll just say I wrote it for me. I didn’t intend for it to go anywhere, I just thought I’d write it and it would stay on my hard drive, unread, forever.
My characters are difficult buggers and the relationship they have with each other is difficult. They make difficult choices. They are what they are. And I never expected a publisher to want to buy it.
But a certain person told me to send out the book anyway and though I whined and complained and told them it wasn’t meant for publication, I did send it out. Because I think I’m secretly rather proud of it. Like I said, my characters are difficult and so is the story. It won’t be for everyone. But I didn’t write it for everyone, I wrote it for me. And that’s why I’m kind of scared. When you write it for yourself, it’s hard to accept that not everyone in the entire universe will like it.
Which I guess brings me to the next hurdle in the journey of publication. I’ve spent five years fighting for the opportunity to get my work published and while you’re in pre-publication hell, all your energy is directed on your next revision letter or your next rejection, or sending the next story out there. The thought that when you eventually get accepted EVERYONE will have a chance to read your book is only a passing one. Then you finally DO get accepted and then there’s that lovely time when your book isn’t out yet and you can pretend you’re the greatest writer in the world, basking in the love of your editor, not a care in the world. Until release day comes and you realise people will soon be able to see behind the mask. Will they see the wizard or just a little old man?
Kind of sobering to know all the blood, sweat and tears you put into getting published is just for the privilege of having some complete stranger say, “Nah, that book was bollocks’. 🙂
On the up side, I now have an awesome picture that I will make into a mug! A whole series of mugs! That I could give away! You have been warned…